Despite growing awareness and legal restrictions across Nigeria, many women continue to live with the hidden physical, sexual, and emotional scars of Female Genital Mutilation, enduring trauma that often remains buried in silence. FAVOUR ABALAKA writes
what began as punishment for having a boyfriend at 14 left Deborah Jonah with wounds that never truly healed.
Forced into circumcision by her family, she says she has spent years battling physical pain, emotional trauma, and the devastating consequences of Female Genital Mutilation.
According to her, the blade opened a chapter of pain that would haunt her for years and a lifelong struggle to reconnect with her body.
Reflecting on the events of many years ago and how she was secretly circumcised by her aunt Deborah, whose real name is withheld, recounted, “When I was younger, I lived with my sister. I had a boyfriend in SS1, and my sister found out and reported me to my father.”
That single revelation, according to her, altered the course of her life forever.
“My father requested that I be sent back home. When I got home, I realised that all my family members already knew I had a boyfriend at 14. My grandmother said I should be circumcised because all my sisters were already circumcised, except me. I thought agreeing to be cut would save me from punishment. But now, I’d like to think of my circumcision as a punishment for being rebellious,” she said, her voice laden with regret.
Unlike many girls who undergo female genital mutilation without knowing what is happening to them, Deborah said she already knew what the practice involved and desperately tried to avoid it.
“I was already aware of genital mutilation. My sister always talked about her experience. I thought I had escaped it by living with my her. I was completely against it. I begged everyone around me to plead with my father and grandmother, even his pastor, because my father held a position in the church and was a devoted member.
“I would describe that week as the worst period of my life. I knew someone was going to injure me, yet I felt I had no choice but to agree and accept it.
“My sister told me I was only going to be cut a little since I was already grown. She said they just wanted to follow the family tradition,” she said.
Deborah said she agreed to the crude procedure out of fear and desperation.
But there was a problem. After the procedure, she bled until the following morning. Her aunt, who circumcised her with a blade, claimed the heavy bleeding was because she was no longer a virgin.
“Unfortunately, I was a virgin. My only mistake was having a boyfriend. Because the circumcision was meant to remain a secret, I was isolated during the healing process and forced to endure the pain in silence. I had to stay with my aunt throughout the whole process. I couldn’t go out, I couldn’t walk properly, I couldn’t pee; it was horrible,” she recalled.
The physical agony, she said, was almost unbearable. To stop the bleeding, she had to sit over boiling herbs, yet the bleeding continued intermittently even after the wound had healed.
“Eventually, I was allowed to return to my sister. One day in school, while I was playing, I fell and started bleeding again. My sister had to take me to the hospital. Doctors later discovered I had developed an infection. When they asked if I had recently been circumcised, I said no and claimed I had sustained an injury,” Deborah recalled.
Asked why she concealed the truth, she said fear drove her decision.
Deborah feared the matter would become a major issue and expose her family, particularly her father. She also worried it could result in her being sent back to live with him.
“After that hospital incident, I stopped playing with my friends. Most of the time, I stayed indoors and became very self-conscious. I already knew I was different; I just didn’t want it to be obvious.
“I finished secondary school traumatised and constantly afraid that I would start bleeding again. Looking back, I used to think the circumcision achieved what they wanted because I stopped talking to boys altogether. I shut myself off emotionally and avoided them completely. Ironically, it was because of a boy that I was circumcised in the first place,” she said.
Marriage, Pregnancy, and Trauma
At 21, Deborah got married, but the experience, she says, was far from what she had imagined.
“I got married early because I was already done with school and in a higher institution. My sister and her husband couldn’t afford to continue paying my fees alongside supporting their own children.
“It wasn’t arranged in the formal sense because I knew him, but the way everything happened made it feel arranged. I was still processing and healing from being cut. The trauma from FGM affected my marriage almost immediately,” she said.
Deborah said the emotional and physical impact of the experience made intimacy with her husband extremely difficult.
“I couldn’t have sex with my husband. At first, I thought it was vaginismus, but it wasn’t. It was fear of intimacy and of what had been taken from me. I was fully aware that half of my clitoris was gone,” she explained.
According to her, the strain soon created tension in the marriage.
“He was patient at first, but later became verbally and physically abusive. I eventually got pregnant, and that was the worst moment of my life. I lost my baby due to complications linked to the FGM.
“During delivery, it felt like my wound was opening all over again, even worse than before. It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever gone through,” she lamented.
Following the complications, Deborah said she had to use a catheter for three months and still struggles with guilt over the loss of her baby.
“My husband became very aggressive. The abuse increased, and I eventually had to run away. When I left, I called my sister. She told me to go back to my husband and try for another child so he would stop being aggressive. I couldn’t return home to my father because I was traumatised from the cut. I had to move to Lagos and start over,” Deborah said.
With nowhere else to go, she borrowed N5,000 from a woman who sold provisions near her home and travelled to Lagos.
“I told the woman my husband would pay her when he returned from work. I took a bus to Lagos and stayed with my friend for six months. She was a third-year student at Lagos State University,” she added.
Washing Students’ Clothes for Survival
“I started washing clothes for students living in the lodge. Later, I began to cook noodles for sale, and eventually got my own place. I was determined to continue my education despite everything. I completed my HND at Yaba College of Technology and later secured a job.
For Deborah, the deepest wound was not only the physical pain, but also the sense of betrayal and disbelief from those meant to protect her.”
“The part I was most hurt about was the fact that my dad insisted that I was having sex at 14 and needed to be tamed. I was shouting, screaming and explaining that I was still a virgin, but no one listened.
“I no longer speak with my father. He was very angry when I ran away from my husband. I doubt he would even want to talk to me, let alone see me. I still carry a lot of resentment towards him.
“I can still remember how much I begged him and the way I cried to him. It’s better we don’t see or talk for now. I still speak to my sister occasionally, but I do not enjoy sex, which feels like a punishment to me. I now do it with women to avoid penetration,” she added.
Though years have passed, Deborah said the procedure continues to affect her emotionally and psychologically.
“No woman deserves to go through any of that. I still think I need therapy to learn how to love my body more and, maybe in the future when I can afford it, undergo reconstruction surgery,” she added.
‘I always knew I was different’
Esther, another survivor who spoke with Sunday PUNCH, said the trauma of FGM revealed itself gradually over time.
Unlike Deborah, she did not immediately realise she had been mutilated. The 22-year-old said she only came to that understanding when she was about 18.
“I always knew I was different because I had a type B kind of clitoris. The anterior tip of my private was cut. Growing up and getting educated on FGM, I was surprised because my parents are well-educated. I didn’t expect that from them.
“One day, I was speaking to my mum, and the conversation came up about how her friend abroad sought asylum using FGM. She mentioned that I could also do the same. Immediately, I noticed she regretted bringing it up. I then asked her if I had been cut, and she confirmed it,” she narrated.
According to Esther, her mother explained that only she and her older sister were circumcised, while her younger sister was spared.
‘It explained why I avoided relationships’
Esther said confirming she was cut helped her finally make sense of years of emotional confusion.
“It was very hard for me to get into relationships. I would describe myself as very avoidant, and part of the reason now is that I was very hesitant to discuss my cut or explain why I am shaped differently to anybody.
“Again, I still have a fear of getting intimate due to stories I heard after the cut. I would say confirming that I was cut summed up all the feelings and emotions I had towards relationships and my avoidant attitude.
“A lot of people tie FGM to Northern girls and don’t know it still happens in all states. Most females had to go through that process where I’m from. I am from Osun State, but I was born and brought up in Lagos State. One would think I would be free,” she said.
According to Esther, many millennials underwent FGM and still struggle to derive sexual pleasure, but often remain silent because some have come to see it as normal.
“Even my mum knows it’s not normal, yet she still felt it was appropriate to cut her children. I think I can understand where she was coming from, the fear and everything that influenced her decision.
“I also feel bad about it, and for her too, because talking about it makes her feel guilty. While I know it’s not entirely her fault, I still can’t completely put it out of my mind,” she said.
Esther said she carried feelings of shame for years, explaining that the belief that she had been deprived of sexual pleasure made her anxious about intimacy and hesitant to pursue relationships.
‘Women are suffering silently’
Recently, after speaking publicly online about her experience, Esther said she was overwhelmed by the number of women who privately reached out to share similar stories.
“At first, whenever I spoke about it, I was always the only one in the room. So, it was comforting to know I wasn’t alone.
“A lot of people messaged me and shared the difficulties they face sexually and emotionally. It would surprise you how much pain many women are still carrying and how deeply they are affected whenever they think about what they went through,” she said.
Nigeria still records high number of FGM survivors
The World Health Organisation defines Female Genital Mutilation as all procedures involving the partial or total removal of the external female genitalia, or other injury to the female genital organs, for non-medical reasons.
The WHO classifies FGM as a violation of the human rights of women and girls, noting that the practice offers no health benefits and can result in long-term physical, psychological, reproductive and sexual complications.
According to the United Nations Children’s Fund, Nigeria bears one of the highest global burdens of FGM, accounting for a significant proportion of affected women and girls, with an estimated 19.9 million survivors.
The country ranks among those with the highest number of FGM survivors worldwide, although some countries record higher prevalence rates.
The WHO noted that the prevalence of FGM varies across regions and ethnic groups, with historically higher rates recorded in parts of the South-East and South-West.
Globally, the organisation estimates that more than 230 million girls and women are living with the consequences of FGM, while millions more remain at risk each year.
UNICEF data showed that prevalence rose from 16.9 per cent in 2013 to 19.2 per cent in 2018, fuelling concerns that the practice was continuing among younger generations despite increased awareness campaigns and legal restrictions.
However, experts caution that the prevalence of FGM among children may still be underreported due to the secrecy surrounding the practice and changing social attitudes.
Data from the Demographic and Health Survey and the Multiple Indicator Cluster Survey, however, indicate that prevalence declined from about 25 per cent in 2013 to approximately 20 per cent in 2018.
The figures suggest that although progress has been made in reducing the practice, FGM remains a significant public health and human rights challenge in Nigeria.
‘My memory was heat, tears, pain’
For a young lady who prefers to be referred to as Chi Chi, memories of what happened to her as a teenager remain fragmented, yet impossible to completely forget.
The 23-year-old recalled that the events leading to her circumcision began after her mother discovered she had a “boyfriend” during a summer holiday.
The boy was her neighbour and classmate, and the close relationship between their families made it easy for them to spend time together.
“He had a younger sister, so I took my own sister, who was four at the time, with me so she could play with his sister. It was a Friday, and his family had a large backyard garden where we often played.
“We were outside playing when we later went into his house because he wanted to show me something. I can barely remember what happened after that, but that was the exact moment my mum came home,” she recalled.
Chi Chi said her mother became enraged after discovering them together in the boy’s room.
“She didn’t see us at home, so she came over to his house to call us back. When she arrived, she found only his sister and my sister playing outside. She then went into the house and saw us in his room.
“She didn’t ask any questions. She immediately started slapping me and beating the boy. She called his mother, who came out of the kitchen because of the noise. My mum dragged me home and continued beating me.
“She didn’t even allow me to explain why I was in his room. After the beating and shouting, I admitted that he was my ‘boyfriend.’ At the time, the word ‘boyfriend’ meant nothing sexual to me. We were classmates, and I simply thought he was cute. That was why I agreed to be his girlfriend,” she said.
Chi Chi said what happened days later became one of the most traumatic memories of her childhood.
“On the Sunday of that week, we didn’t go to church. I was surprised because my mum is very spiritual and takes church very seriously.
“She boiled very hot water that day and asked my sister and me to come to her toilet. When I saw the water, I thought she was going to burn me because she had made the threat the previous day while beating me,” she said.
According to her, the experience remains difficult to fully describe because parts of her memory are blurred by fear and pain.
“The water my mum used was fresh off the fire. I can never forget. She used the water and a towel with Blue Seal Vaseline to press down my private part.
“I can barely remember if I was burned, but I just remember it as very violent because for a whole 20 minutes or more, my mum was pressing me down and overpowering me. She sat on a small stool in the toilet. I was naked, and she used her feet to hold my waist and put me under her lap. She kept on telling me that if I move, the hot water would spill on my body and burn me. I could only scream because it was difficult to escape,” Chi Chi recounted amid tears.
‘Sex felt like a chore, not pleasure’
For 48-year-old Mfon Sunday, the consequences of FGM shaped her experience of intimacy and womanhood for years.
“I was circumcised when I was very young. I cannot even remember the procedure, the healing process or much about what happened. But when I got married, sex felt like a chore.
“It was never pleasurable or enjoyable for me. According to my culture, girls are circumcised to make childbirth easier. But that was not my experience. I have two children, and both were delivered through caesarean section. So what was the benefit? It is a question I still ask myself today,” she said.
Mfon said her experience ultimately shaped the choices she made as a mother.
“My daughters are not and will never be circumcised. Circumcision is about control. Even when you cannot remember the procedure itself, you are left mourning something that was taken from you before you even understood its value,” she added.
Culture cannot override child’s rights – Lawyer
Speaking with Sunday PUNCH, a legal practitioner, Morenikeji Savage said FGM raises serious constitutional and human rights concerns, particularly because many victims are children who are unable to give meaningful consent.
“I honestly think conversations like this are important, especially in Nigeria, where FGM is still treated in some communities as a cultural practice instead of being recognised for what it really is,” she said.
According to her, the practice conflicts with constitutional protections guaranteed under Nigerian law.
“From a legal and constitutional perspective, FGM clearly conflicts with the rights guaranteed under the Nigerian Constitution, particularly the right to the dignity of the human person and the rights of the girl child.
“The issue of bodily autonomy is also very important because we are talking about irreversible procedures being carried out on children who are too young to meaningfully consent,” she said.
Savage noted that although Nigeria has enacted laws prohibiting the practice, enforcement remains a challenge due to deeply rooted cultural beliefs.
She pointed out that the continued weakness in enforcement, despite the Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act, demonstrates that legislation alone cannot immediately dismantle longstanding social conditioning.
“I think the law must strike a balance by respecting culture while making it clear that culture cannot override the constitutional rights of a child. I personally do not believe that ‘this is our tradition’ should ever be sufficient justification for practices that leave lasting physical or emotional harm,” she said.
Savage further described FGM as a form of gender-based violence rooted in efforts to control female sexuality.
“Yes, I absolutely believe FGM can legally and morally be viewed as child abuse, gender-based violence and a violation of human rights. When you examine it closely, it is difficult to separate FGM from broader systems of misogyny and patriarchal control.
“There is no constitutional basis for violating someone’s bodily integrity in the name of morality or preventing promiscuity. Morality cannot be enforced through violence or fear,” she added.
Similarly, the Head of Programmes at Connected Hands for Family Health and Empowerment Initiative, Elizabeth Udah, told Sunday PUNCH that despite decades of awareness campaigns and legal prohibitions, many of the beliefs sustaining FGM remain deeply entrenched.
“In many communities, there is still a strong fear surrounding infertility, promiscuity and social rejection for girls who are not cut. I believe these systemic factors are deeply tied to patriarchy and the way society has internalised it, often unconsciously.
“Society continues to place enormous value on male acceptance and perceptions of women’s purity, sexuality and marriageability. In many cases, women who support or carry out FGM are not necessarily cruel; many are themselves survivors who are living with the consequences of being cut. That is why FGM cannot be addressed solely as a health issue; it must also be tackled as a social norms issue rooted in gender inequality, silence and collective fear,” she stated.
‘Many survivors experience betrayal trauma’
A certified trauma therapist, Faith Akano-Akpan, told Sunday PUNCH that FGM carried out during childhood can leave lasting psychological scars that extend far beyond the physical procedure itself.
“From a psychological standpoint, FGM in childhood can significantly disrupt emotional development because it occurs at a critical stage of identity formation and body awareness.
“A child is still developing the basic understanding that ‘my body belongs to me’ and ‘I am safe.’ When that boundary is violated, it can lead to long-term difficulties with bodily autonomy, trust and emotional regulation,” she said.
Akano-Akpan explained that when trusted relatives or caregivers carry out FGM, the psychological consequences can become even more complex.
“It creates what we call betrayal trauma. The brain struggles to reconcile the belief that ‘this person is supposed to protect me’ with the reality that ‘this person caused me pain,’” she added.
The therapist noted that the stigma surrounding sexuality and emotional expression often prevents survivors from openly processing their experiences, stressing that suppressing trauma does not make it disappear.
“Healing after FGM is possible, but it is rarely instant or linear. Trauma-informed approaches such as somatic therapy, EMDR and supportive counselling can help women reconnect with their bodies in a safe and gradual way.
“Ultimately, recovery is about restoring choice, safety and connection, both within the woman herself and in her closest relationships,” she added.
‘FGM causes lifelong physical and psychological trauma’
Also speaking with Sunday PUNCH, a registrar in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at University of Abuja Teaching Hospital, Ini Okon, explained that FGM involves the removal of, or injury to, female genital organs for non-medical reasons.
“What happens is the partial or total removal of the external female genitalia, or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons,” he explained.
According to him, complications may arise immediately after the procedure or years later.
“Early complications include severe pain due to the absence of anaesthesia, infections, excessive bleeding that can become life-threatening, shock resulting from blood loss and acute urinary retention. Long-term consequences often extend into reproductive and sexual health.
“Long-term complications can include recurrent urinary tract infections, pelvic infections, infertility, sexual dysfunction, painful intercourse, and difficulties during pregnancy and childbirth,” he explained.
According to Okon, the psychological impact of FGM is often profound and enduring.
“It is so deep that many victims of FGM are traumatised for life. Their sexual and psychological health can suffer long-term consequences. There is both physical and psychological abuse involved,” he said.
Describing the practice as a form of childhood trauma and gender-based violence, Okon said FGM violates the rights, dignity and safety of girls.
“FGM is a form of childhood trauma. It is a violation of human rights, a harmful traditional practice, a form of gender-based violence and a source of adverse childhood experiences.
“Many survivors never forget the trauma and shame associated with it. They are at risk of anxiety disorders, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and persistent feelings of fear and helplessness,” he added.
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