I reconnected with a childhood friend recently, and we did some catching up over lunch. Those few hours we spent together were both heart-warming and sobering for me.
It’s amazing how people’s reality is not at all what we think it is, yet they don’t wear their issues on their sleeves.
If you asked me, I would say she is the luckiest girl amongst our peers because she’s the one that Cinderella-kind of love always seemed to happen to. From a well-known romance with one of the most eligible young men around to marriage to an older man who adored her.
Her husband is a “big man” who wasted no time pulling the right strings to get her a job with the state government.
Whilst most of us struggled to find our feet, she was changing cars, having babies and travelling overseas with her husband for holidays. She even relocated overseas.
So, when we caught up with each other and began to share experiences of what has been happening in our lives over the years, I was reminded again that not everyone who seems happy is living a rosy life.
Some years after their marriage, her husband’s health began to nosedive. All those overseas trips were actually for the purpose of seeking medical solutions, and for each trip they made, an asset had to be sold to fund the expenses.
As if their challenges were not enough, she lost one of her two children.
Their source of income began to dwindle because her husband’s health challenges did not give him much room to “chase money” like he used to.
So, they decided it was best for her to relocate first in search of better economic opportunities.
By the time she was done with her story, I was already in tears. I couldn’t believe what she was going through because she was that girl who seemed to have it all, including the physical attributes of a beauty queen.
Imagine how often we envy and even place people, who may be struggling to survive one more day, on a pedestal.
There are people that, after hearing their story, you will ask yourself, “What did I say my problem is again?”
I have always said that people do not know how lucky they are if the only problem they have is where their next meal will come from. That’s because food problems are among the easiest to find solutions for. The same cannot be said about health challenges, the emotional pain of bereavement, or the stress of starting life all over again in a foreign land.
That encounter was a sobering reminder that every one of us has a cross we are carrying, no matter how colourful our lives appear on the outside. And what this reality should stir in us towards one another is absolute goodwill, not envy.
The only thing to wish people is Godspeed, even if it looks like life is rigged in their favour. Because behind closed doors, life is happening to all of us, unbelievably.
Something happened during my early morning walk recently. Usually, such moments serve a myriad of purposes in my life besides health reasons. I pray, I seek mental clarity, and inspiration often accompanies those moments.
On that particular morning, it wasn’t long after I took off that the sound of footsteps behind me interrupted my thoughts. I looked back and saw a lady.
I really can’t say what came over me because, from that moment, I became focused on putting a good distance between us by walking faster. And, of course, my thoughts, which are usually settled during such moments, went all over the place.
After a while, I looked back again and realised that the lady was nowhere to be seen. Apparently, she had taken a different turn or reached her destination, meaning I was competing with someone who was not even headed in the same direction as me.
From the moment that realisation dawned on me, I struggled to regain focus. I ended that morning walk less satisfied than usual, not because I didn’t cover the usual distance, but because my mental space felt violated by the needless energy I gave to a momentary distraction.
I walked away with a lesson, though, one I feel we should consciously watch out for.
Catch yourself before your mind convinces you that you are in competition with anyone. You may later realise that you have been competing with someone who is only focused on their own lane and not even seeing you. When you make others the focus of your endeavours, you will not live a fulfilled life.
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