There are stories you may have heard about marriage and love relationships that sometimes ring false, like a joke. But marriage is not a comedy. And participants aren’t comedians. Marriage, my friends, is a heavy commitment that requires a lot of continual, ceaseless, and uninterrupted heavy-lifting work by both parties if they truly hanker for success. As people involved change, as times flip, and as physical features and worldview of the lovebirds are torpedoed, unexpected changes do occur in marriage. Some change for the worse, unfortunately. Partners once drenched in intoxicating love are now ‘detoxified’ of that phenomenon that once frequently got their ‘bewitched’ heads spinning without control. And we see others crank up their love temperatures as the alliance gets stronger, and partners are more committed to their vows than ever before. Marriage has made a lot of lives sweeter, and it has also pushed many destinies down the cliff of misery and horror because of unexpected turbulences during the journey.
I ran into a young man in the city where I do business 17 years ago. He just arrived in the United States and was looking forward to living out a great life in God’s own country. He met a young woman, and both looked so perfect together as a couple. They got married, and work later took them out of my city a few months later. The marriage seemed to blossom and felt very promising. About two years later, “I do” became “I’m done”. Both had to go their separate ways. They probably didn’t understand that for any marriage to survive and succeed, it requires regular maintenance. And both parties are the official maintenance directors of this relationship – not parents, friends, psychologists, counsellors, or pastors. As important as the roles of these people may be in their lives, husband and wife are the sole providers of the lubricant that keeps the machine working.
I heard from the couple’s mutual friends that the young man told everyone who would listen that “Marriage is a scam” and that the process was not for him. I didn’t ask for details of the marital discord. If the unfortunate development was for my ears, they would have told me.
I have heard and seen it worse. Marriages are under siege, and many homes are in trouble and under very brash assault. More often, many did not look before they leaped; and before they said, “I do.” In my line of work, I get expressions of regret and complaints from married people from different races and nationalities. Couples who have covered up their pains in different styles are tired of the facades. Hugo Boss suits, and GUCCI skirt-suits and flowing gowns have no prowess to palliate real emotional pains. Even on preachers’ pulpits, my ears have heard agonising pain of anointed men and women crying out from the wilderness of aloneness, “Enough is enough of this mess.” If you are let into the hurt, pain, and emotional sufferings many families are going through behind closed doors, you will agree with me that it is often wiser to be wary before you say, “I do.”
Haven’t we all gotten some things wrong during life’s journey? We want to get our finances right, but we don’t. We want to get our career choices right, but we don’t. We want to get our businesses right, but sometimes we don’t. Many want to travel abroad and relocate, but they never do. We want to get our marriage right, but sometimes we don’t. The best season of life to get any marriage right is before you say, “I do.” To the young man and woman already daydreaming about walking down the aisle of marriage with petals of roses splashed down the aisle, and hundreds or thousands of people cheering you on into a land unfamiliar, watch before you say, ‘I do’.
Marriage is like a shoe. If you slide your feet in an oversized pair, get ready to drag the cumbersome weight along throughout life. If you squeeze your feet in an undersized pair, you should be ready to nurse the pain and discomfort as long as you live. No marriage is 100 per cent perfect. Even life as woven by God is not without its flaws. But those who win the game of marriage don’t always do things just because everyone else is doing it. Regarding marriage, you will glow differently in God’s own time for you. We all look for love, and age doesn’t matter. Whether you are 20 or 40 years old, marriage decisions cannot be hastily made. Its side effects burn like a raging wildfire in human bones. And raging fire in human bones is borne solo whithersoever the human goes. The pain lasts too long when you rush into marriage and then have to rush out. It may be a big business move or a brand-new marriage dream; before you say, “I do”, do your due diligence and take your time. When it’s God’s time for you to tie the knots, you will marry a true friend who you can live with, and who cannot live without God. And both of you will never be without any good thing.
In the early 2000s, the U.S. marriage rate was 8 to 9 marriages per 1,000 people, meaning marriage was significantly more common then. Between 2021 and 2024, the marriage rate was 6.1 marriages per 1,000 people. This is the lowest on record. Is marriage a scam? Some people may believe it is, but it’s not. A growing minority, especially younger adults, however, describe marriage as unnecessary, outdated, or financially risky, and that sentiment is what fuels the “marriage is a scam” narrative. Marriage is not a scam! But if you sign a wrong dotted-line contract with the wrong person, and for the wrong reason, it may feel like it.
Read the full article here
